It’s week 7 of The Mother Blog’s #MotherhoodMonday series and this weeks topic is all about the motherhood mindset.
Definition: the established set of attitudes held by someone.
So basically the building blocks of who I am. The things in my brain that explain why I live life the way I do. Why I mother the way I mother. Well that’s easy:
Peace: Anyone that knows me or reads my ramblings knows I’m a firm believer in equality and social justice. It’s really like the fiber of my being. I eat, sleep, and breathe equality on the daily. Fa real. I’m the person that people think is oversensitive. Ya know how when someone says something racist or sexist or laughs at a rape joke and that one person out of 12 calls them out on it (while everyone else awkwardly stares at the floor)? Like dude, not cool. That’s me. Then the guilty party laughs it off and says something along the lines of lighten up, why does everyone have to be so offended these days!
Well sorry to burst your bubble but people have been offended for a long ass time. It is not some new phenomenon. If no one ever got offended and DID SOMETHING about it then I’d be wearing skirts that hide my ankles while slaving away in a kitchen without two college degrees. Fighting for equality and justice isn’t easy. It makes people uncomfortable. But I’m never going to just throw my hands in the air and say change is impossible. Because change IS possible. It HAS happened. It has happened thanks to folks who were offended, actually. The fight is far from over though and staying silent will never bring about peace in our hurting world. Which means my mindset will ALWAYS be to say something.
Love: I love fiercely. Love is at the heart of equality and at the root of all mothering. It’s not always easy to show love though. When we feel judged our gut reaction is to meet our enemy with that same fire. Make them feel the same pain we feel. But what good does this do anyone? It certainly doesn’t breed progress. And this doesn’t only to apply to social issues. The mothering realm is a hot mess of judgement and hate. It’s the war on mothering out there and it’s effing scary. Breast is best. But not really cause it’s disgusting and no one wants to see you feed your baby that way. Pajamas aren’t carpool worthy. Co-sleeping means your kid will never be independent (and surely still be in your bed by college, duh). But letting your baby self-soothe is basically child abuse. Shut the front door. Make love not war y’all.
Seriously though, mothers have a deep, immense, and overwhelming love for their children so let’s channel some of that into some compassion for each other and appreciate that we all have our own unique experience in this world (just like all babies are unique and have different needs). I wrote a whole bit of ramblings about how not to raise assholes. It ruffled some feathers like whoa. Probably mostly because it made people uncomfortable, but maybe also a little bit because I used the word asshole. That’s not the most loving compassionate term, I know.
The truth is even those of us with the best intentions struggle with showing compassion. When I get fired up, I get fired up. My gut reaction is to tell people to stop being an asshole, but they are probably more likely to listen if I shared with them ways to show empathy and kindness instead. Either way, just because I think someone is an asshole doesn’t mean I hate them. In fact it means the opposite. It means I want so badly for them to see the damage their behavior can cause other human beings. How badly I want everyone to be granted the same basic rights and freedoms. How badly I want mothers to feel good about their mothering. Showing love, compassion, and kindness is critical for our human race. Too much hate fills our culture and more of us need to choose love daily. So even when I mess up and let anger fuel my reactions, I will remind myself to love instead. To give more. Connect more. Show kindness more. That’s a mindset based in love.
Coffee: This needs no explanation. Coffee got me through wedding planning, grad school, and now it keeps me alive as I try my hardest to raise my non-sleepers into non-assholes.
Don’t forget to check out all the other mama’s participating in this weeks topic:
[Lisa B.] (http://thebenroecks.com)