I’ve decided to join a blog series called #MotherhoodMonday dreamed up by an equally addicted to coffee mugs that say things mama, The Mother Blog. The headliner on her blog reads, “I’m not a better mom than you.” so clearly I like her. Her series will continue for 12 weeks and cover a wide range of topics related to motherhood. If you are interested in joining then give her a shout at firstname.lastname@example.org. This weeks topic is #MotherhoodMisconceptions and boy does that give me some feels. There are a lot of things about being a mama that I didn’t expect, but I think the misconceptions I’ve struggled with the most are the ones other mamas have about my own personal mothering.
There seems to be this idea out in the mothering realm that every single moment of motherhood is delicious and dreamy and wonderful. And if you don’t soak in every last single second then you are just an ungrateful, selfishly horrible mother. Yep, I’m one of those terrible mothers. I bitch and complain ALOT about not sleeping and picky eaters and tantrums and having hemorrhoids for the rest of my days, but guess what? That shit is not delicious or dreamy or wonderful. Sleep deprivation is evil. Picky eaters make you all kinds of crazy. Tantrums (while mostly hysterical) always end with a glass of wine. And hemorrhoids? Dude, I pushed humans out my jay so hard that I’m now permanently uncomfortable when I go to the bathroom. Does that make me a bad mom because I think that part of mothering sucks? Not one bit. It makes me human, actually.
That’s the thing about mothering, it’s wrought with emotion and grit and vulnerability. It strips us to our core and makes us feel to the very bottom of our soul. It’s the most human experience there is and while beautiful and inspiring, it can also be ugly and terrifying. I’ve chosen to live the crazy rollercoaster journey of motherhood open and honestly. Mostly because that’s how I was wired to live life, but also because I know I’m not alone in my feelings. I know there are other mothers out there begging for permission to say this is hard. I don’t like it. I need support. And that’s what humanity is all about. It’s having compassion for everyone and their own unique experience. It’s celebrating mothers in every form and allowing them to walk freely through this journey in their own way.
Yes, I realize this means not every mother wants to be brutally honest in their experience the same way I do and that’s exactly the point. I actually had a
friend ex-friend who told me my way was wrong. My way was terrible. And that’s the biggest misconception there is. Mothering isn’t a competition. There isn’t one way to be or one way to do and expecting otherwise only makes mothering that much harder. I choose to mother with love, humility and compassion, not only for my children, but also for me. Mothers need love too. And sometimes that means we forgive ourselves for our imperfections and embrace every aspect of the journey.
So the moral of the story is this, don’t fault me for my ability to be raw and I won’t fault you for your ability to embrace optimism. We can coexist as mothers in that way. In fact, we probably could have been mama soulmates, you reminding me how to see the glass half full and me reminding you that you don’t have to constantly shit rainbows. You can cut yourself some slack and actually embrace the mess of life. And that’s where you’ll find me. In the mess of it all.
Be sure to check out all the other awesome mamas that participated in #MotherhoodMonday today:
Amber Marie: http://www.ambertackles.com/
Amber Joy: http://www.simplythewildside.net/