Some people hate social media and the overkill of information others share about their lives. Not me. I love seeing cute couples and animals and babies. Don’t get me wrong I have definitely seen my share of questionable posts and may or may not have been guilty of hiding a crazy person or two from my feed (no for the umpteenth time, I don’t want to help you with your farm animal or candy bucket or whatever the hell those games are called), but who am I to judge? I’ve always been an over sharer. I’m an open book and anyone that knows me or doesn’t know me definitely knows a lot about me.
Whatever the case, one thing that does crack me up is the number of “perfect” pictures folks post of their kiddos. I’m guilty of this myself. You put them in their cute matching outfits and take 12 million photos while you act like a crazy person jumping around and trying to get those kids to smile or laugh or look adorable. Before you know it, it’s been 23 minutes of loud noises and heavy sweating and you finally have the “perfect” image of your little angels. The other 36.5 images that didn’t make the cut get deleted off your phone and no one ever gets the luxury of seeing how your angels really are behind the camera. No one ever posts the blurry streaky one of their kid running away or the scary demon looking one with their kids eyes half closed. Instead it looks like your kid is the happiest human on the planet 24/7 when in reality there’s probably an outtake where it looks like that angel of yours might want to murder you in your sleep.
I don’t know about you all, but my toddler hears the word “picture” and 66% of the time he has a complete shit fit meltdown and refuses to smile or be cute or act human. This can definitely be frustrating, but for the most part I’m usually able to laugh at my silly stubborn son and snap a picture of his shenanigans anyways. Those moments are certainly more real life than the posed beauties I work so hard to capture so in the spirit of being real, here are a few of my favorite “outtakes”.
You think you’re so cute in that sweater talking about being tired. Well I’m so pissed you and that baby even exist.
She put me in another shirt that matches my sisters. Let me act like I might vomit because clearly matching your sister makes you want to gag.
Oh you think you’re so smart hiding vegetables in my smoothie? Well I still hate them as much as I hate you.
I don’t care if you want everyone to know I finally got a haircut after months of hysterics at even the slightest mention of the word hair, let alone cut. I must escape this insanity.
Back the eff off lady. Boundaries mean anything to you?