“I slept like a baby”
Yep. If you say this, you clearly know didly squat about tiny humans. What you are trying to say is you slept very soundly, but in actuality sleeping like a baby comes with one too many “soundly” interruptions. Like the sound of a baby crapping their pants at 2am. Or the sound of a hungry baby wailing for more boob. Or the sound of a baby ninja ever so perfectly sliding both their legs and one arm through 3 different crib slats and the blood curdling scream that follows making you think your toddler did in fact succeed at accidentally murdering your infant. Or how about the sound of a sick baby trying to breathe through their snot infested nostrils, prompting you to climb up the stairs 12 times a night to make sure they are in fact still alive. Sleeping like a baby is not a good thing people. It means you did not sleep at all.
“Sleep is overrated”
Who the hell says this? People who say “you can sleep when you’re dead”, that’s who. People, sleep is nowhere near overrated. It’s rated and valuable and necessary! Well actually, if my life as a sleep deprived crazy person were made into a film, I guarantee you it would be rated “R” for nudity (yes, I once started to leave the house without any pants on), violence (I may or may not have wished death upon the person that rang my doorbell that one time my baby was actually sleeping), and hard language (sleep deprivation effing sucks and I’m not afraid to say so).
“You need to get your beauty sleep”
Say what? I just need to sleep to get some damn sleep. And let me tell you, after a good nights rest, I look anything but beautiful. How can I tell if I’ve had a good, hard sleep? I wake up with drool all over my pillow, eye boogers on my face, a major case of frizzy bed head, and rock hard boobs begging to be milked. I don’t think Ben has ever chosen one of those mornings to compliment my looks. Regardless, the only person I know of catching some beauty sleep is Britt from the Bachelor.
“I cried myself to sleep”
This mama cries a lot these days. Especially when sleep deprived. One time I found a set of sheets in our refrigerator. Tears. Another time I left the brownies I was baking for Rory’s class in the oven for 2 hours. Ugly tears. Then there was that other time I dropped the fresh milk I’d just pumped all over the kitchen floor. Super ugly tears. Very little sleep definitely puts my emotions on high alert, but never ever would I waste time crying before sleeping. If I have an opportunity for sleep, my eyes are closed for business. Crying yourself to sleep is definitely overrated. Well, unless you’re a baby.
Take the damn nap!